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On Being Free (Part Two)

05 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by ramshaali286 in Amidst the Words

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Alfred North Whitehead, authors, autonomy, bandwagon, Bill Gates, black hole, Bol, canvas, career, cliche, cognitive, conformist, convention, conversation, country, Creative Nonfiction, crystal, darkness, degree, deontological, Dickens, diversity, education, Emerson, ethics, exam, existentialism, expectation, experiment, family, filmmaker, free, freedom, future, Gates, generation, global village, globalization, happiness, harsh, Hemmingway, history, humanities, ideology, immortalize, intellectual, intermediate, interview, intrinsic, job, jobless, judgmental, lecture, light, machine, Mathematical Association of England, MBBS, Mohammed Hanif, Mohsin Hamid, moral philosophy, nationwide, NGO, Nonfiction, paint, pakistan, Pakistani, person, philosophers, philosophy, photographer, political, Political Science, practical, pressure, principles, profession, project, prove, question, read, revolution, right, scientific, skill, snowfall, snowflakes, social sciences, societal, society, solution, standards, stereotype, stipend, story, strength, study, succeed, talent, teacher, think, topic, unadventurous, undergraduate, union, useless, victory, weapon, Whitehead, world, worth, write, writer, writing, Zuckerberg

The second (and final) of two parts of a paper written for a class on Creative Nonfiction. The first part can be found here.

A year ago, I met someone who was around twenty-two years old, and was just starting his intermediate education. He wasn’t unable to study further because of any constraints, but because he chose to do so. And no, I don’t mean he chose to slack off. What he chose to do was experiment. He told me that he didn’t believe in there being only a specific path to follow for his education, and so he was expanding his horizons by getting involved in different activities to assess his strengths. He ended up putting off studies to volunteer his time to NGOs and children’s charities that were in dire need of manpower. Time constraints did not allow me to get more details, but it did leave me thinking for days. Would anyone in a Pakistani society allow their children to put off their education, even if temporarily? This guy was one example of very faint hope, and it was incredible to see him be bold enough to take that risk. I concur with his actions though; education doesn’t have to be followed as religiously as our society expects us to. It is a good idea to try something different; it might actually end up being worthwhile.

In his Presidential address to the Mathematical Association of England, Alfred North Whitehead said that “in scientific training, the first thing to do with an idea is to prove it.” By using the word ‘prove’, he does not mean that scientific methods need to prove an idea by experimentation, but simply to prove an idea’s worth. The same applies to an education. Regardless of the subjects of study, it is a good idea to prove the worth of one’s education. This is fairly easy, because education itself has an intrinsic worth. Why, then, do we in Pakistan classify some education as ‘good’ and others as simply ‘useless’? What is interesting to note about Whitehead’s lecture is that he delivers it to a Mathematical Association, and yet he talks about the basic nature of education before moving on to its practical uses.

‘Practical uses’ is something that we Humanities majors often see as being used as a weapon against. “So you can write and understand History and can quote so many Philosophers. That’s good. But what is its practical use?” is a question that I have come across one too many times. The truth is, it has no practical use (unless I choose to become a teacher), or at least none that I can tangibly point at. My practical use of my education lies in the kind of person it is helping me become. Its practical use lies in making me capable of thinking out of the box. Its practical use lies in getting me acquainted with many intellectual topics that are easy to have a conversation on with anybody (such as, say, a person interviewing me for a job). Its practical use lies in teaching me how to work in groups for projects and how to write better papers. But of course, why would a Pakistani society consider any of these skills worthy if they don’t end in the words, “and will help me get a job”?

In one of my Philosophy classes, we were asked a question about who we would give a car ride to out of the three people: an old woman, an old friend who once saved your life, and the man/woman of your dreams? It was quite the unusual question, but the variety of answers heard from the class was quite interesting. Some of us actually put in a lot of thought in answering this question, analyzing it from all angles. However, more interesting than the different answers themselves was the instructor telling us that a year after she gave this question in an exam, one of her ex-students came back to tell her that a similar question was used in a job interview at an MNC. Guess who got the job? The guy who answered the questioned by analyzing it from a deontological and human nature ethics perspective, two branches of moral philosophy that a stereotypical Pakistani society will never let its offspring study about. How, then, can we say that Humanities is useless?

Existentialism is a topic in Philosophy that deals with the ‘I’. Existentialists believe that there is no right or wrong, good or bad. An act becomes good only after I choose to do it; an act gets value because someone chooses to perform a particular act. Perhaps if the Pakistani society gave up its clichés and embraced the existentialist viewpoint, it would react a lot differently towards people choosing to diversify their scope of education. Perhaps I chose to pursue an undergraduate degree in Humanities as opposed to an MBBS because this holds greater value for me. Why, then, should my society judge or berate me for it, when from an existentialist standpoint, I am not wrong in choosing something that holds greater worth for me? All the existentialists ask for is to not infringe upon anyone’s rights, and if a person is willing to break the norms and study something else, who is he hurting by doing so? Maybe my society is just looking out for me, but the way I see it, they are overstepping their boundaries. We talk about grand notions of freedom; why then should I not be free to choose my own path? I have a right to my own choice, and if my choice conflicts with the opinions of the masses, I’ll call it an experiment and go through with it. In fact, if the experiment doesn’t work out, then the only person I will have to blame will be myself; why, then, is it so hard for society to accept it? I spent many years of my life convinced that I would fade away into an abyss of rote learned texts and an avalanche of numbers – perhaps it is time now to get out before it’s too late.

Pakistanis teach their children to read a lot, but never to write. When we grow up, we read books written by Mohammed Hanif and Mohsin Hamid, but nobody around us would support us when we float the idea of becoming a writer. We watch movies such as Bol and debate over the many critical issues it touches upon, but people would be appalled if we ever expressed a desire to become a filmmaker. It is considered acceptable to study something that has been the model for Pakistani societies since ages, and stay jobless after that. But it is unacceptable to follow your own wishes and study something different, because Humanities then becomes synonymous with ‘useless’. My question is: why view everything in black and white? It’s not either a Doctor or an Engineer. As noble and renowned professions as they may be, they’re not the only ones. Why not let someone explore the grey area in between? Who knows, we may have an aspiring Gates or Zuckerberg amidst us, someone with the talent and the potential but being repressed by the standards that the Pakistani society has set for itself.

It is good to stick to a set of principles, but where the Pakistani society fails is that it goes deaf at the talk of a world other than those principles, blind at the mention of seeing anything that does not adhere to their set of rules. Anyone choosing to follow their own career path may be as good as ostracized. But like the albatross, those who follow their own ways are not something to be executed, because they may just be showing people the right path to follow. In the end it comes down to a question of happiness. Would we rather choose to follow a life of grind and make a decent living but live our lives like machines? Or would we want to give up these undue pressures and expectations and succeed at something we like? Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To laugh often and much…This is to have succeeded.” How many laughs can we give ourselves if we turn our lives into a fixed routine, something along the lines of ‘Punch, type, click, enter’?

I am a writer. It is what I do best; it is the only thing I know how to do well. And I say it with such conviction after a long process of experimenting with various things, trying to find out where my strengths lie. I’m the happiest when I’m constructing a story; give me a writing assignment and I’m in my niche. My goals and dreams center heavily on my writing skills. I don’t see myself as the next Dickens or Hemmingway, but I definitely see myself trying to come up to those impeccable standards if given a little push. It is true that authors don’t earn so much, but the satisfaction I get from writing is something that I cannot place a price on. No amount of monthly stipend from a job will ever measure up to the pleasures of writing for an audience. It is where my creative juices flow, and in this moment of self-praise, I see myself improving with time. If I can ever gather even a small bunch of Pakistanis supportive to my cause, I will consider it a sign of good things to come. I will see it as a hopeful sign of freedom of choices for the next generations, finally free from the shackles of societal pressures and conventions. If I ever felt like I was fading away, then writing provides the perfect means to immortalize myself. What we say and do can be forgotten, what we put down on paper can be passed from person to person, read and respected duly.

Globalization may just be the solution to Pakistan’s educational woes. While it will be wrong to say that everyone is part of this bandwagon, it will also be wrong to say that only some are on it. Many are still opposed to the idea of a freedom of choice when it comes to careers, but people are finally starting to accept the need for change. An integrated global village is making us realize how far behind we’re lacking, and since we can’t beat the world, we can join it.

It makes me happy to interact with fellow Humanities majors, knowing that they, too, chose to do something new, something different. If I convince a person to opt for this major, I consider it a personal victory, not just for myself but for this underrepresented field of education in Pakistan. I am by no means here to bring about a revolution – I am not even close to it – but a person converted is a small step towards brighter prospects. Pakistan is trending under the banners of political revolutions this year, but the biggest hope we need for our country is in the field of education only. Start at the grassroots, and then move up. Let a student study Political Sciences to understand these political manifestos. We can produce a country of Mathematicians and Doctors and Economists, but what we can’t give them is the ability to think. And that is where I will always advocate for my major, which will, initially, force you to think but will eventually end up refining your cognitive skills to the highest degree.

It often makes me wonder whether I’m being harsh on conformist areas of study or am glorifying my choices beyond their worth in a self-obsessed move. Society, of course, presumes the latter and is equally harsh for that, but this isn’t a game of retribution. When snowflakes reach the ground, they integrate to form layers upon layers of ice. However, every snowflake is different from the other one, coming together to form a whole phenomenon, which we call snowfall. I like to think of an ideal society as snowfall – assimilated together, yet every person is an individual crystal; they mix to form a beautiful image, like a photographer’s best shot or an exquisite Christmas card. We retain our uniqueness, yet know how to live in harmony. But my perception of a Pakistani society will be a different snowy picture. Beautiful to look at, snow is a cold and slippery slope once you step on it. Indeed, we might also appear as a unified community from the outside, but there are layers upon layers of this union that one would not wish to navigate; layers that will fall upon the individual crystals and crush them in the process, reducing them to nothing but mere water in the end. Such seems to be the revulsion of this unadventurous Pakistani society to these new means of education. Am I being judgmental in my claims? I guess so. Is society really that harsh? Pretty much. Is it wrong of me to choose to be the snowflake that wants to stay on top of these layers? No.

I will admit that despite certain changes, looking for a massive nationwide change is something quite premature. Maybe by the time I have children, they will also be locked in this endless battle of angst against society. But in the year 2030, when the world will have moved forward and we would still be cemented to the same place by clinging to our precious ideologies, at least my children will have the option of choosing their own path for education. Perhaps they might be able to do then what I would’ve been unable to do now – just make people see that we aren’t useless. Just like things disappear in the black hole, so do Pakistani individuals. Our society engulfs us into this unending chasm of darkness without any hope for return to the light. Eras later, I do not wish for Pakistani students to still be stuck amidst thoughts of “Get me out of here!”

What better way to start than by giving the future generations the autonomy over their own education? One family at a time, and the cycle of stereotypes may finally end up getting broken. Humanities majors may still be the smallest and lightest stroke of paint on this canvas that our society is, but at least they will have their own place in the end.

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How to know that you are dating a crazy woman

25 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by ramshaali286 in Amidst the Words

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advances, amaze, anniversary, apologize, asterisks, baffle, bear, beautiful, bi, bind, birthday, black heart, boyfriend, break up, breakup, camera, cash, casual, cell, cheating, cheesy, children, chocolates, college, color, commemorate, comment, commit, commitment, company, conversation, crazy, cry, cute, cutie, date, dates, dating, days, decision, decoration, diamond, digital, dresses, emoticons, engagement, eyes, facebook, facemstaring, failure, faithful, family, fiction, fidelity, fling, friend, friends, future, gigantic, girl, girlfriend, gold, graduation, guest, guy, hand, happy, heap, heart, hint, hold, honor, hook up, hormones, hot, hours, how, hug, hugs, hurt, ignore, inbox, innocent, insecure, insecurity, kids, know, kudos, laptop, list, loo, love, lovers, male, masters, memorize, mile, milestone, minutes, miss, month, movie, murder, names, networking, nonchalant, number, official, one, panic, pants, paranoia, paranoid, password, pathetic, pee, perfume, pester, phase, phone, pictures, plans, profile, public, rampant, random, red, reject, relationship, relentless, roses, sad, screen, seconds, secret, sight, single, site, skype, slut, social, sorry, special, status, strike, subtle, surprise, sweetums, tagged, tears, technology, teddy, tedious, tenure, terminology, terrirtory, together, transition, upgrade, Valentine's Day, venue, wall, wall post, webcam, wedding, week, weekend, weeping, wink, winking, woman, you

Strike a random conversation and throw in a subtle hint that you would want to go out with her. Give her some time. Your hint was supposed to be subtle, but she will still run a mile with it. Your idea of going out implies casual dating, a fling. She, of course, has other plans.

She will reject your subtle advances, but only for a little while. It will not be long before she will start questioning and regretting her own decision and will want to turn it around. She will hint at wanting to hook up with you – obviously not meant in the true sense of hook up, because she will claim she is much too innocent for that. You will be pestered to ask her out again, simply because she doesn’t want to do that. You will ask her out again, and because technically, you were the one who approached her again, this puts her in the driving seat. Her reply will be in the affirmative this time. She will establish from the start that she wears the pants in this relationship.

Your relationship will be a big secret. No one has to know, no one has to find out. When together in public, you will talk to her like you would to any other friend. Obviously, you will wink at each other, but that will only be for the two of you to see. Somewhere during that winking she will notice the colour of your eyes. She will later tell you how beautiful your eyes are.

No one must know that the two of you have upgraded your status from friends to lovers. You are allowed to hug anyone you want to but not her, and you are definitely not allowed to hold her hand. You are not just being nonchalant; you are taking it to the next level.

Don’t panic, or be sad. This phase will pass.

And soon it does. She will gradually tell her inner circle about you, and then proceed to tell her family. And then, she will change her facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a relationship’. Putting it up on facebook is what makes the commitment official for her. Since she would want to mention who she’s ‘In a relationship’ with, it means that both of your facebook statuses get changed. Oh happy day.

It will not be slow and subtle. The transition from making the relationship secret to public will probably take one night, or less, given the amount of time it takes for her to successfully take over your facebook profile. She will memorize all the two thousand something tagged pictures you have, posting comments such as “Oh, what a cutie you are” and “My guy is like so hotttt” on the ones she especially likes. It is highly unlikely that she doesn’t like them all, unless you’re with another woman in a picture. She will demand that you remove those pictures immediately.

When you log into your facebook next, she will not only have commented on your pictures but would have been rampant on your facebook wall as well. Brace yourself for a plethora of “hugs” in asterisks, “I love you”, “I miss you” and words such as honey, baby, sweetheart and the likes. It is vital that you reply to her wall posts, else she will get offended and eat your brains out to know why you’re ignoring her. You will obviously have to comment on all her pictures.

Come her birthday, and she will expect diamonds for presents. You, being short on cash, will only get her gold. But she will be consoled by the fact that you spent the entire day with her – and that includes not just the meal you took her out to, but the minutes and the seconds you spent on the phone with her because she couldn’t spend any part of that day without talking to you.

You are not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, because you believe that you don’t need just one day to tell someone that you love them. However, she will want to be extra nice on V-Day. When you tell her not to do anything special for you, she will cancel the huge teddy bear but will still get you the gigantic box of chocolates. Her card will say that it is a gift “for being such a special friend, not a Valentine’s Day gift”. Try to abstain from slapping your forehead when you read it.

Your cell phone inbox has always had a series of cheesy messages from her, but now they will have more content asking you about the ‘surprise’ you are planning for your first anniversary, which is around the corner. You take her out to lunch on your anniversary, and she will come back hurt at the lack of red roses and promises of fidelity. Apologizing incessantly will make her angrier, but she will give in at the end of the day and call you up to cry over how stupid she had acted.

You meet her every weekend, but pretty soon the week long distance will be too much to take. You propose meeting her once a week in addition to the weekend, but even that seems to less. Skype becomes the solution to that, because having a webcam on will ensure that she can see you all the time. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t talking, it doesn’t matter if you’re busy with your work, it doesn’t matter if you’re asleep; she just wants to see you at all times. Her world becomes dark the moment your face disappears from sight, and so having a perfectly functional webcam is the central ingredient to her well-being. If you have to leave the camera unattended to go to the loo, you must orient the camera towards the door so that she can keep an eye out for “unwanted thieves” in your absence. Just be grateful she doesn’t want to hear you pee.

Constant staring will become boring after a while, because how often can she comment on the beauty of your eyes? Skype conversations wouldn’t go down well with her, because you guys talk all the time anyway. The ingenious solution she proposes is that you watch a movie ‘together’ on Skype. You will not understand how that works, but allow her to explain. It is imperative that the two of you have the same copy of the same movie, and even more imperative that you start the movie at the same time. You are not allowed to watch the movie in full screen, because along with the movie, the screen also has to be devoted to her live image via webcam. She wants to see you watch the movie with her, because she is doing the same.

Sharing facebook passwords will be a must. If she dies, she has chosen you as the person worthy of getting rid of her facebook account. She considers this an honour bestowed upon you.

When you fail to commemorate the two year milestone in your relationship in a manner suited to her satisfaction, she will feel the need to do something to make you commitment even stronger. In her terminology, it means to do something to bind you to her so that you never get to leave. She will want to talk about the future – your future, together. Daunting.

You need not worry, because she will have everything planned. From your graduation to your masters to the number of children you will have, she will know it all. You only have to follow her master plan to keep her happy. She will have your engagement and wedding already planned. The dates, the decoration, the dresses, the venues, the guest list, probably even the number and names of kids she will want to have – with you, of course.

Her insecurities will play up from time to time when the two of you will be in different cities for college. To mark her territory, she obviously can’t come in and pee around your dorm room. Instead, she will go digital, and decide to post a black heart (the sideways cone) on your facebook wall. You will be forced to change your facebook profile picture to one of the two of you, with a caption such as ‘My sweetums’ on it. The world must know that you are hers and hers alone. And what better way to do it than through the largest social networking site there is?

Of course, she will miss you relentlessly, which means that you will have to brace yourself for a lot of sad and crying emoticons, and a lot of actual tears as well. She will randomly call you in the middle of the night and cry her eyes out on the phone, because she misses you so much it hurts. She will amaze and baffle you with her ‘commitment’ to you, because she will count not just the days, but the hours and minutes and even seconds, until she gets to see you again.

During your tenure at college, Skype will take on a new meaning, because that will be her only way of being able to see you. The two of you will extend your hands towards the laptop screens and curse it for being there, lamenting over the inability to touch that face in person. Don’t be depressed; she will make you feel better by quoting the number of days again. You will, obviously, watch many more movies on Skype. She will tell you that if it weren’t for Skype, the two of you would’ve broken up long ago. Ah yes, kudos to new advances in technology.

Being far away from you and unable to see you every week, she will get a little insecure. Cross out the little and make that a lot. She will portray paranoia like you have never seen before. Every girl you talk to will be the one you are cheating on her with, and thus will have to be excluded from your list of friends. Any female who may be in your vicinity such that you can smell her perfume, will be the slut who is trying to steal “her guy”. If you make the mistake of getting a picture taken with a member of the opposite sex, she will walk all the way to your dorm if she has to, just to make sure that you are still faithful to her.

With her going out guns blazing on all your female friends, it will only be a matter of time before you find yourself solely in male company. And then, she will worry about you turning bi and hooking up with one of the boys. So eventually, you will be left with no friends. But no worries, since who needs friends when you have her, something that she will be quick to point out.

Day in and day out you will be on the phone or on Skype with her. You will create new records of texting. And even that will not be enough. She will need more assurances; she will tell you to move up the engagement date she had planned to the coming month.

You will want to break up with her. She will not take kindly to it. Keep in mind that she is a bag of hormones, even though it is not her time of the month yet. The moment you hint at a breakup, she will become such a pathetic weeping heap that the sorry sight alone would make you want to put off the breakup. Obviously, since you suggested the breakup, she will want you to take it back. She will need constant assurances that she is your “only love”, that she is “the one”. Your failure to provide any will be the start of the tedious breakup process.

You will tell her that you did not like being friendless because of her paranoia. She will accuse you of cheating. You will tell her that you would have wanted some say in plans of the future, instead of suddenly being told to get engaged next month. She will accuse you of getting cold feet. You will break up with her. She will start plotting your murder.

Spontaneous Thoughts on An Aircraft

19 Saturday Mar 2011

Posted by ramshaali286 in Amidst the Words, Through the Lens

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acting, airborne, aircraft, airport, Alcott, Ali Haider, annoying, baby, beach, beautiful, beech, best, bingo, boarded, bollywood, bored, casual, Chandni Raatein, chapter, ciao, college, continuous, conversation, crying, delayed, Dhaani, drama, emotions, experiment, favourite, feelings, flying, frequent, friend, hallelujah, handwriting, home, isolation, item, item number, karachi, Kishore, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, lahore, landing, lights, listen, loud, love, lums, meadow, miles, movie, munni, music, odd, pepsi, pet, photography, pictures, random, read, sandwich, scene, screaming, sea, seat, seatbelt, Shah Rukh Khan, sheila, shuffle, sign, singer, song, spontaneous, stop, Strings, takeoff, tea, thoughts, trapped, travelling, tree, tujhe yaad na meri ayi, turbulence, volume, weird, window, write, writers, writing

Below are a series of three images of something written on a flight from Lahore to Karachi. The text following the pictures is a copy of what is written in the images.

Page 1

Page 2

Page 3

Thursday. March 17th. 8:05 pm. Airborne. En route to Karachi. Karachi – the city of lights, the city by the sea, home. Homeward bound after one hell of fourth semester at LUMS. And semester’s not even done yet. Oh well, must not focus on the weariness and the dreariness of the past few weeks at LUMS right now. Stupid exams.

Too much turbulence. My handwriting’s getting messed up.

I love writing while flying. You know how writers talk about how they love to write when in isolation or sitting under the beech tree in the meadow; everyone has their pet place where they like to write. Mine would be an airplane. Sounds odd, I know. Frequent travelling has made me experiment with this and I quite like it now. I usually read or listen to music or do both simultaneously. But then, there’s only so much you can read or listen to continuously.

Anyway. Did I mention I’m homeward bound? Of course I did. That’s like the first thing I mentioned. Just a few miles between me and Karachi now. Hallelujah!

I was reading Jo’s Boys when I boarded. Louisa May Alcott’s a really good writer albeit a bit outdated. I was on the last chapter because I finished most of the book at LUMS and then even more at the airport when my flight got delayed by a half hour. When I boarded I had one chapter left. I was done with the book even before takeoff.

Then I observed takeoff. I always pick the window seat when I travel. I love looking out the window during takeoff and landing. Sometimes, I even take pictures. My favourite is one that I took of Karachi from the plane. You can see both light (city of lights indeed) and dark (sea) area. That reminds me, I really want to go to the beach. I will go.

I’m currently listening to music and writing. Kishore Kumar is playing. That man is one amazing singer. You should listen to him. Bollywood has good music. Apart from their item numbers (the ‘Munnis’ and the ‘Sheilas’). But then item numbers aren’t about music.

I’ve eaten a sandwich and have had both Pepsi and tea. Weird, I know. I’m bored. A baby is screaming/crying. Loud. Annoying. Must turn volume up. Bingo! Drowned the noise with my music. I love my earphones.

I like my shuffle also. It’s playing such good songs. Right now I’m listening to ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai‘ from (duh) ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai‘. It’s like my favourite movie and song of all time. I love love love it. I’ve seen it so many times it’s not even funny. You should watch it. It’s beautiful. Especially that one scene after the song ‘Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Ayi‘. It’s an amazing scene and such amazing acting. Ever wonder how you would feel if your best friend suddenly decides to leave college and head home without telling you? You go after her to stop her but you get nothing more than casual conversation. WATCH THE MOVIE. Shah Rukh Khan puts all feelings and emotions in that scene in the best possible way.

‘Chandni Raatein‘ is now playing. Ali Haider sang this song well. This was a really really good drama. They don’t make them like those anymore.

Anyway, next song. Don’t feel like listening to ‘Chandni Raatein‘. ‘Dhaani‘ by Strings. Beautiful song.

They’ve turned on the seatbelt sign. I guess we’ll be landing soon. Good enough; I was getting really bored. I don’t like seat belts. They make me feel trapped.

My phone died. Battery empty. Guess no more music for me. I am sad. Oh well, back to looking out the window. I love landings. Ciao!

 

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